With a new season of The Bachelor upon us, it’s with mixed emotions that I announce I will not be writing recaps this season.
I know, I know. This is shocking. Perhaps disappointing. Rest assured, dear reader (hi, Mom!), all previous recaps will remain posted for your nostalgic enjoyment because I can’t let them go that easily either. The Bachelor is my gluttonous pleasure. One of the few that doesn’t compromise my quarter-assed (the amount you can muster when halfed-ass is just too much) commitment to my fitness and nutrition efforts. In addition, The Bachelor is one of the few shows that I typically watch live. My 97%-full DVR appreciates this.
So if I love it so much, why give it up? I’ve narrowed it down to three main reasons…
… And we’re back this week with an episode chock full of things that, when summarized, exceed 1500 words, yet somehow ultimately amount to nothing. The contradiction is oh so apropos because my recap for this week is a list of highlights that make NO sense and PERFECT sense simultaneously:
Why would ESPN have any reason to cross promote on the Bachelorette?
Why would it even be a question that a fire fighter would win a totally fake fire fighting challenge?
How could a guy say practically nothing on a date, but still get a rose for “being so open?”
And most importantly why is Chad still here even though he’s such a dick?
I don’t know about you, but despite my love/hate relationship with ABC’s Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise, I was eagerly awaiting the season premiere this week, mostly because it’s a fantastic excuse to live tweet snarky commentary with other like minded fans. Plus Dancing with the Stars simply doesn’t fill the gaping hole in my Monday nights quite like fabricated romance.
So without further ado, here’s what happened this week…
Where do I even begin? This week’s episode was chock full of geographical inaccuracies, awkward sexual encounters, questionable medical conditions, and irrefutable evidence confirming my hypothesis that the producers are completely out of money and ideas. Let’s get into it.