… And we’re back this week with an episode chock full of things that, when summarized, exceed 1500 words, yet somehow ultimately amount to nothing. The contradiction is oh so apropos because my recap for this week is a list of highlights that make NO sense and PERFECT sense simultaneously:
- Why would ESPN have any reason to cross promote on the Bachelorette?
- Why would it even be a question that a fire fighter would win a totally fake fire fighting challenge?
- How could a guy say practically nothing on a date, but still get a rose for “being so open?”
- And most importantly why is Chad still here even though he’s such a dick?
Let’s find out…
… while we’re on the topic of Chad…
Chad using tubs of whey protein in his luggage to do weighted pull ups –
Why would he use the pergola to do pull ups? Isn’t there a state-of-the-art gym in this mansion? Also, why whey protein? It’s not that dense. Wouldn’t another contestant have been much more effective? I’m pretty sure even though Chad’s luggage is carry-on sized, Alex could have fit in the front pocket.
JoJo sing-alongs –
Seriously, WTF? But seriously, WTF else are these guys going to do while they’re sequestered in a mansion for three months. I too would sing songs written by The-Guy-Who-Should-Have-Picked-A-Stage-Name-Other-Than-James-Taylor.
Grant, an actual firefighter, winning a fire fighting-themed challenge –
How could anyone else in the cast even stand a chance? Honestly. If he hasn’t already been fired for taking three months off to sing songs with 25 other guys and date one woman, he should have been fired for not being able do some watered down version of his actual job.
Luke, a war veteran, claiming “it doesn’t get any worse” than watching an actual fire fighter fake rescue Jojo from a totally non-life-threatening situation –
Really, Luke, REALLY? It doesn’t get any worse than this:
Did you forget that you’re a WAR VETERAN? I hope you’re just reading the teleprompter or I’m adding “War Veteran” to the List of Questionable Occupations, right between “Hipster” and “Bachelor Fan.”
My husband complaining that the episode was going to last two hours –
… and then immediately abandoning whatever “work” he “had to do” to fold his underwear in the bedroom where I was watching this week’s episode. He actually blocked about 30% of my view for a non-consecutive 90 minutes. I guess he doesn’t like it when I watch his favorite show without him.
Bromantic chats over protein shakes while wearing matching tank tops –
If things don’t work out for either of them with Jojo, at least they have each other and I’ll definitely be tuning in to Bachelor in Paradise to watch this relationship blossom!
Derek’s totally forgettable date where he divulges nothing, but gets a rose for really opening up –
Much like Derek, I have nothing else to say about that. Where’s my rose?
The ESPN segment –
While I personally couldn’t possibly care less about ESPN, with Tony Reali host of Around The Horn as the ONLY exception, apparently there is a one-sided cross-over demographic. I’m certain my husband is not the only guy who suddenly had an overwhelming urge to fold underwear on Monday night.
Chad’s Fake Yet Totally Honest Proposal –
While the other guys were tripping over fallacies about how amazing Jojo is and how they can’t wait to spend the rest of their lives with her, Chad wasted no time with a simple no nonsense “will you marry me?” To which Jojo, without hesitation, responded, “YES! Done. That was easy!” But no more than 10 seconds later, Jojo asked Chad to tell her all the things he loves about her. Chad stated, “I feel like in that moment, you should already know that.”
And my husband said with a grin, “he has a point.”
Chad being the villain AND the front runner-
There’s always a villain on these shows. There has to be. It’s part of the formula. Now that Chad has assumed the role, producers will keep him around just to maintain the tension level and keep things interesting. But I don’t think he’s playing the villain for extra air time. I think he’s being genuine. He gives zero fucks about anyone and anything except Jojo and the possibility of a lasting relationship and in a world where romance and love are forced into easily digestible television-ready scenarios, I have to respect a guy who is honest. It’s refreshing.
With the exception of Ashley I from the Bachelor Season 19, eating during the cocktail hour is highly unusual. While most contestants drink, Ashley hunkered down with some corn on the cob.
But I suppose if you, like Chad, are confident that you’ve got it in the bag, why not enjoy the delicious buffet and consume four times your body weight in cold cuts? I would! And by all means, don’t let the rose ceremony slow you down!
Plus, while I haven’t seen all the footage (thank you editors for culling it down to only the best of the best) I’m pretty sure Chad interrupted everyone else’s alone time with Jojo and did not care if it incited wrath.
We were so close to a “come at me, bro” situation during this episode that I’m convinced this week was just an amuse bouche!!
Until next week, kids!