The Bachelor Recap: Season 19 Episode 3

This “recap” of the Bachelor is grossly overdue for a variety of reasons including the State of the Union address (which I will not be discussing at this time), my dog puking on the couch (you have no idea how disruptive that really is), and my general opinion about where the Bachelor shakes out amongst other priorities in my life.

That being said, we’re going to gloss over the highlights of this week’s episode because there is absolutely no need to delve into the details when there really isn’t a heck of a lot of substance to begin with. Also, SPOILER ALERT!! If you want to be surprised (is your life really that sad?) stop reading now.

Ok, here we go!…

The Costco Date

S19 E3 Costco Date

Romance in bulk

Honestly, this is probably the most realistic “date” the production staff has ever come up with after 19 seasons of helicopter rides and tropical islands.

Side note: you don’t actually think the Bachelor/Bachelorette comes up with ideas for the dates, do you?… Ok, good. Just checking!

Let’s face it, once you’ve been in a relationship for a while, date night often consists of trips to bulk stores in your pajamas hoping that no one realizes you’re in pajamas. Thank heavens that long puffy coats and Uggs are in some semblance of fashion nowadays.

And kudos to Kaitlyn for advising Chris Soules to “test drive it first” when Jimmy Kimmel suggested Chris have sex with every girl on the show. My mother said the exact same thing, and even though at the time I wanted nothing more than to be swallowed up by a spontaneous sinkhole, looking back, I realize that was truly sage advice.

The “Stay Classy” T-shirt

Gah, the irony!… I’m not sure I have the words. Wait, of course I do. During the ridiculous farm chore challenge, which included shucking corn, shoveling manure, and milking goats, contestant Jillian wore a shirt with the phrase “Stay Classy” emblazoned on the chest.

S19 E3 Jillian Stay ClassyHowever, there were numerous times that her ass had to be blacked out because her shorts didn’t provide ample coverage for prime time.S19 E3 Jillian Stay Classy w goat

S19 E3 Jillian Stay Classy fence jumpI’m not criticizing the girl for flaunting her assets; she worked hard for them and thankfully we got a glimpse of her dedication to resistance bands and child-sized shorts earlier in the show!

S19 E3 Jillian working out

But if you’re going to talk the talk, you better walk the walk, if you know what I’m saying and the likelihood that she was intentionally ironic is pretty slim.

Also, I’m anticipating that Jillian’s “class” will be an ongoing point of contention for other contestants in upcoming episodes.

Wedding Crashers

Why not have one of the PA’s interrupt filming to let everyone know that the next segment is completely and totally staged? It would be one thing if they actually crashed the wedding but I have three solid reasons why I’m certain there was nothing spontaneous about it.

  1. Minutes after Whitney and Chris arrive at their picnic spot in the vineyard, Chris makes a comment about wanting a woman who can “roll the cob.” Ummmm what? What kind of rube slang is that? Can’t wait to hear more bastardization of the English language. The translation is he wants a woman who can walk up to anyone and strike up a conversation with them. Wouldn’t it be great if Whitney had an opportunity to do just that? hmmm…
  2. Production scheduling is typically done weeks, if not months, in advance and it generally requires all kinds of documentation and legal permits. There is no way the producers had no idea that a wedding was scheduled for the very same day they planned to shoot. I’d even be willing to bet that Nick and Sharon’s wedding was partially paid for by ABC. And nice try switching to grainy camera phone video to make it look like random crew members were surreptitiously filming. Hope everyone brought a phone charger!
  3. The costume change. Seriously? You come back hours later in different outfits with a gift no less! Because that’s so crazy and spontaneous.
S19 E3 Wedding Crashers Before

I really wish I had an opportunity to “roll the cob” and impress you

S19 E3 Wedding Crashers after

I’m so glad we packed formal wear for this spontaneous wedding crash you randomly suggested!

Also, can we just talk about Chris’ overly emotional will-you-accept-this-rose speech? It screams foreshadowing but I’m betting on this being a producer induced plot twist where Whitney is the frontrunner only to be eliminated in one of the last episodes because gosh darn it, we need some drama.

Suicide

There is a time and a place to discuss this topic and I can assure you it’s not on some bullshit reality dating show. Reality TV aside, I’d argue the second “date” is also not the appropriate time to discuss this topic. It is HEAVY and it’s not something that you just drop on someone. I actually felt bad for Chris when she told him about her husband committing suicide. He looked thoroughly unprepared to handle that and I blame the producers for putting him in that position and exploiting a tragedy to create a storyline.

More importantly, that headband has to go.

S19 E3 Juelya tacky headband

Desperate post-no-rose goodbye speeches

I’m sure there’s an actual term for the little interview they do with the contestants right after they’re eliminated and sent packing. If anyone knows what it is, please tell me. But I’m really sick of the same desperate pleas at the end of the show. You got eliminated from a dating show where, statistically speaking, you’re going home alone or maybe with one of the producers but not without someone getting fired first. Think about it; after 19 couples were so sure they found true love after 8-12 weeks of filming, I think only 2 (maybe 3) couples are still together. The odds are forever not in your favor!

S19 E3 Goodbye I'm so lame

I don’t want to talk anymore… but I’m going to keep talking about how upset I am that no one wants me even in reality.

Additional Stand Out Moments

Ashley I saying, “I wanted to do my Kardashian look” after finding out that instead of a cocktail party she would have to attend a pool party.

S19 E3 Ashley Crying

Nailed it!

Kim Kardashian crying

The AMAZING Jar

Amazing Jar

Jimmy Kimmel crying in the limo at the end of the show: “We spent four days together… WAH!”

S19 E3 Jimmy Kimmel Crying 4 days together

Advertisements

One thought on “The Bachelor Recap: Season 19 Episode 3

  1. Pingback: The Bachelorette Recap: Season 12 Episode 1 | Some Piece of Work

What do you think?

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s